How to shower like a man

Short version:

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile on the floor.



2. Walk naked to bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.



3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror to see if you have pecs (no). Admire the size of your wiener in the mirror and scratch your gut.



4. Get in the shower.



5. Don't bother to look for a washcloth. (you don't use one)



6. Wash your face.



7. Wash your armpits.



8. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.



9. Wash your penis and surrounding area.



10. Wash your ass. (be sure to leave hair on the soap)



11. Shampoo your hair. (do not use conditioner)



12. Make a shampoo Mohawk.



13. Open the curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.



14. Pee



15. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub the whole time.



16. Partially dry off.



17. Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your wife, pull off the towel, shake wiener at her, and make the "woo-woo" sound again.



18. Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed again.

Long version:

Replace #9 with: Masturbate using soap.