How to shower like a woman

Long version:(sorry, there is no short version with women)

1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.


2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.


3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut so that you can complain and whine even more about how you're getting fat.


4. Turn on the hot water only.


5. Get in the shower, once you have found it through all that steam.


6. Look for face cloth, arm cloth,leg cloth, long loofah,wide loofah and pumice stone.


7. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.


8. Wash your hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.


9. Condition your hair with Grapefruit Mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.


10. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red.


11. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.


12. Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen minutes as you must make sure that it has all come off).


13. Shave armpits and legs if it's saturday. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.


14. Slick hair back and pretend you're like Bo Derek in 10.


15. Scream loudly when your husband flushes the toilet and you get a rush of hot water.


16. Turn off shower.


17. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.


18. Spray mold spots with Tilex.


19. Get out of shower.


20. Dry with towel the size of a small country.


21. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.


22. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit. Attack with nails/tweezers if found.


23. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh immediately, ignore his juvenile turban gags and then rush to bedroom.


24. Spend the next hour and a half getting dressed.